I hate Myself

There is always a moment when you feel like you could have done better if you could have one more try.

credits to : him

Well, i really need the chance now.

I was out with Mr C earlier and everything went well as always.
On the way home, we talked like we usually do,
making fun of each other, bla bla bla.
In the midst of the conversation, i blurted out something that is totally stupid and insensitive.

I said to him what maybe we could be friends. just friends.

...

Its no surprise he would be mad about it.
what would you expect if a girlfriend would say that to her boyfriend...

His reaction was a natural.
He asked me do i really want to call us off.
And i kept shut.
He sent me home, but he didnt stop by at home like he always does.
He was hurt, i can tell.

credits to : this

Yes, i admit it was something that i have had at the back of my head for quite some time.
But i always thought there would be no circumstances that i would actually need those words.
What i need is a conversation about us.
About our relationship.
And i did not mean that i wanted to break up.
I just want to say that, well, im happy enough to be in this relationship now and i intend to keep our status this way.
I have no idea why i could blurt that out all of a sudden.

Since what happened already happened,
and i obviously do not have a time machine to turn back time,
the most i could do now is pray.
like i should always do.

I believe that sometimes things happen just because they should be.
Maybe we need this.
Maybe this is suppose to happen so that something else can happen.
Maybe we could found our peace this way.
Maybe this is the time for us to go back, and review.
Should he accept what i said, i would thanked him.
Should he not, i would thanked him too.
But i really want to talk this over properly.
Since it have been too long that we avoid talking about us.
I , for one, am admitting, that i have always been avoiding that.

Whatever it is,
i was happy when i was with him.
If we are meant to be together, then we will.
If today is our expiration date, then so be it.
All we have to do, is pray to Allah.

Should it end, we could never asked for a better ending.
Should we not, we could never asked for a better intervention.
It was my mistake, and i`m sorry.

I really wish you would ask me why i said that... AND give me a chance to explain it to you.


But no matter what it is,
i will always love you.

** Jom kita solat istikharah, mintak Allah tunjukkan siapakah jodoh kita berdua. Amin.

credits to : her

Well..

Well, its been too long since i last post something here.

Been busy travelling around the world.

Thought i would update with that but i misplaced my external hardisk, and im crying inside.
To make matters worse, i had to finish up designing my photobook that i bought from milkadeal as it will be expiring at the end of this month, with no photos. WTFish.
Thankfully i uploaded some pictures on picasa album earlier last year and managed to recover some.
So before i get on with that, i just had to do some warm up (hints of procrastination).

Here :

Yup.

Later then~

My One And Only

I just finished watching the movie "My One and Only" on astro HBO a few minutes back.

It just made me realized how funny life can be.

How dreadful it can be.

And somehow, in the end, everything works out fine.

It also made me realize how sometimes, the things that we had weren't ours to keep.(that's why we had it)
And sometimes, what we want isn't really what we need.
God have a mysterious, almost ironic way of showing us the things that we truly need.
Sometimes what we went through was dreadful , torturous, living hell, but you have to admit,
if we didn't really went through what we went through with in the past, we wouldn't be what we are now.
Experience that we learn along the way do shape our future.

Of course, the journey itself was, should we say, almost like Alice In Wonderland.
We know its wacky, but hey, who doesnt want to follow a rabbit with clothes on, right?
theyre super cute.(any other rabbits are naked)
and we always somehow know at the back of our head what we could expect.(after a wacky rabbit, there must be a johny depp with ridiculous clothes, or maybe disappearing purple cats)
But neither of us knows how this would impact us later in life.(i became so obsessed that Whenever i see a whole that is too small for me, i would jump into it in  hoping to find myself a pet rabbit w clothes on)
We can only understand all that when we go further up in time, (movies, or real life).
And sometimes even at the end, we wouldnt get a decent closure.

"In Young we LEARN, In Age, we UNDERSTAND"
(Sorry, dont really remember from whom this quote was...)

ps : food for thought. (i havent been writing like this for a long, looooooong time. sorry, me.)

Sam Tsui ... sam soooeyyy

Hi Guys!
(sorry, got used to start every post with a "hi" due to circumstances of working environment)
Neways, ever heard of that name?

Its been a long time since i started transforming into a rabid fangirl mode
(the most recent one is bruno mars)
.. and along came this guy : SAM TSUI
Dont know who he is?
Google it!
or, rather, youtube it!

Here`s my favourite video of him singing the coolest song (in current time).
He can mix 3 songs into one and it was hardly noticeable for someone to tell that it was from 3 songs (if you dont live in the 21st century)
But seriously, he is a genius in combining those songs and make them , well, cooler.








His voice is almost perfect and sometimes even better than the original artist!
(checkout Britneys "Hold it against me")
He`s 10 times better! than Britney!
Although i gotta admit, Justin B would come up first in the cuteness category ,if you were to compare them both based on looks ONLY.
But i swear, with a voice like that, almost 60% - 70% of Bruno Mars, WHO CARES HOW HE LOOKS LIKE???!!!!

Pic courtesy of http://www.thebestarts.com/images/photos/samtsui.jpg

HEHE

For more videos of him, go check him out on youtube!
Seriously, GO!! NOW!

Dear Awak... 13th March 2011

Dear Awak,

please tell me what is wrong with me?

I am cold at heart sometimes, but i am most sensitive almost all the time.
am i not suppose to be though?

Your presence was long awaited and much anticipated,
so much so, i was like the wolf waiting for the moon.

I smirk , i smile, my heart leaped inside,
I could howl twice as long as the wolf,
yet you can never tell.
Was that a mistake of mine, or was it yours?

Dear Awak,

It was not your mistake to convey,
it was not my mistake to decipher,
or was it?

Dear Awak,

I really dont know what i am doing,
i really dont know what i should be doing,
I really dont know what i could be doing,
and i couldnt really tell you that i know what i have done.
For that, i apologize.
For that, i am regretful.
For that, the wolf longs for the moon to give it a sign.
Although it knows, never to expect as such.

Dear Awak,

sometimes, i would think that we could never be together,
I would think that this is just something that we have to go through,
All for the experience,
that it would lead us to something else.
Would you think the other way?
Would you prove me wrong?

Dear Awak,

i would really like to know,
Whether the grass is greener on the other side,
But i think as long as i have you,
i wouldnt mind living in any side of the grass,
It always seems like the whole thing is just a trick,
that maybe i wont be happier if i were at the greener grass.
Hell, im not an insect, why does it matter anyway?

Dear Awak,
i am sorry for my mistake,
whatever it was,
i hope you would be too,
whatever it was,
Let us pray,
whatever we have,
we can preserve,
whatever we are going through,
we will be triumphant,
until the day,
whenever it is,
that we will be fated,
to be together , or to be separated,
whichever one is best.
HE knows.

and you know,
I love you,
no matter when, no matter how.