N.E.E.D.N.E.S.S.

I NEED…!

I need a booster..not drugs, mind you, but I need summat that can boost up my sense of… wanting-ness…

why do I feel like I don’t have a wanting for anything.

alrite, I know that sentence is full of grammatical errors, but hell, this is mine I can do whatever I wanna to.

I have tons of homework..

I always usually do.

note : more grammatical errors.

I think im tired, yeah I think that is…

is it weird if I say that I dun think I have that fluffy feelings yet?

even if I have a bf, I just dun have that feeling to care about people yet.

I dun have that feeling of jealousy like every girl should have whenever their bf talks to other girls.

but im not like that.

I always do whatever I wanna do, but sometimes I wish I could do something that I never thought id do.

u know, like climbing a mountain, or punching someone rite in the face, yeah, ive nvr done that b4..i wish I had.

I dun wanna waste my age of youth doing things I wont remember doing..things that are not worth of wasting any part of the cell in my brain.

I have memories, but sometimes I wonder whether the memories are real, or is it just me that wanted it to be real

you might think im psycothic. I thought so too..

so yeah, I guess I am. lolz.

butu since I could confess I am one, so i guess I am not really one.

my sis once said to me that, if one are what they claim they are, that means they are not what they said they are.

get it?

no?

daijoubu, its not important anyways.

hmm, I love writing.. I do.

a lot.

n I meant to start my own fanfic , but I nvr have the time to do so.

I nvr have the time to do anything I wanna do, instead, I did stuff that I nvr meant to make in the first place.

we are all like that.

y r we like that?

its weird..y do we always do things that we dun wanna do instead of spending those precious time doing stuff that wont make us regret should we die there and then.

“ live today like theyre no tomorrow”

if I were to follow exactly like that, I would’ve spent the whole day with all my family and friends and not a second with these stupid math formulas or incoherent sentences of babblish-ly written text books.

I have two tests next week, im not stressed up, im just… tired.

tired of doing the same thing over and over again but not remembering anything regardi9ng what I have done.

I guess I really do have a memory of a goldfish, or that blue-ish friend of nemo`s memory.

hee

but if I were to look at it at a different perspective, its kinda good to forget real fast, coz I wont be able to have too many bad memories.

what do you choose..

1. nvr able to forget good memories, as well as bad ones and be haunted forever…

or

2. able to forget everything and anything including the good ones and the bad ones, and forever be enigmatic…

im not sure I meant what I meant but yeah…

I would’ve choose no 1.

*sigh*

im tired.

I guess im a bit emo-ish today.

I put the blame on my comfy bed for seducing me to sleep for more than 5 hours during the day.

im used to not have enough sleep, once I have too many sleep, I can be impulsive or too moody sometimes.

aish, women and their hormones.

lolz.

im signing out-

*choco*~

18^th august 2007

11:45 pm

mumbo jumbo *HP spoiler alert*

*cough* *cough**clears throat*

etto, apparently, I haven’t online much. thus, I cannot update my blog.

well, actually, tahts an excuse.

im just lazy.

too lazy

when I wanna do something I ended up doing something else instead.

like now, im supposed to do an assignment, wait… scratch that. I have 4 assignments n I just finished one of them.

its that “cikgu bahagia”.

cant tell her real name otherwise i`ll be dead.

so, shes a devil.

a devil I tell ya! shes exactly.. let me emphasize on that E.X.A.C.T.L.Y like Umbridge. u know, the teacher from HP n the order of phoenix?

yeah.she.exactly.

I cant stand her…shes so annoying.

she have this high-pitched voice, and a synical smile spreading on her face every time, combine that with pure evil-ness , u`ll get urself a teacher from hell.

I dunno whats into her, but seriously, I thought she live to torture.

yes.

if ur in her class, u`ll know.

btw, “cikgu bahagia” literally means “happy teacher” which contradicts her behavior despite her “nice”, all-pink appearance.

aiyah, speaking of HP, I saw HP no 5 for 2 times.

two times only.

I saw HP no 4 for 5 times, n it was awesome.

but I gotta say, HP no 5, is quite disappointing.

ooops!

S.P.O.I.L.E.R A.L.E.R.T!!

Its not as good as the book. but I pretty much can see that coming.

I mean, so far, the only HP movie that succeed in following the book is HP no4.

n eventhough u dun read the book, u`ll understand perfectly well whats goin on during harry`s fourth year by just watching the movie, eventhough it did miss out some events…

BUT, in HP fifth movie, it is all-around devastating.

it didn’t even arouse a tiny bit of my interest as it starts, n as it progresses, it only made me feel awful to force my friend to see the movie with me n waste her 12 bucks.

during the start, I feel no energy at all coming from harry, or Duds, or Vernon, or petunia, or mrs fig, I feel that she should’ve been given more lines, as in saying that shes a whatchamacallawitchwithnomagicpowers person. it didn’t even mentioned that in the movie.n even if some chara just play a minor role, they should’ve been more..energetic, or lively, or obnoxious as they r in the book!

n Dudley n harry supposed to be at a PLAYGROUND, but they look lilke they were at a crop-ish cum farm-ish place.

WHAT THE HELL?

for the sake of Harry Potter, I hope the next film is gonna be much better, much, much better.

since the next HP(no6) is more serious, n since Dumbledore will die in that book, I hope his death could be more…dramatic, should I say.

coz Sirius` death is so… easy.

its like he didn’t give a tough fight at all, totally opposite with Sirius` death in the book, which is tragic, and very very sad.

in the movie when Sirius died, I didn’t feel sad, instead I thought it was funny, the way he died, it was so quick n easy n …well, uncalled for.he should’ve been given more….dignity? as in more fights to show that Sirius is not that easy to fought with, ya know..

n the vital part of the 5^th story has been failed to be presented on screen…

the part where harry have dreams..its vague.

not the dream, but the way they show it.

I cant make up which is which, I mean, which is the real dream and which is not.

n they failed in portraying kreachers nature.

kreacher should be cursing at harry n his friends..(well, maybe cursing is a strong word…)

let me try this again, kreacher should be evil. he should mutter words of incoherence or evil-language or whatever that could show that hes evil n a part of voldemorts scheme for gods sake.

but through the movie, they didn’t explain how Sirius can be in harrys dream n that place where harry take his “memory ball” or wtv, n they didn’t mention or show at least that it was a fake dream.

they didn’t

they assumed we all know.

well, yeah of course I n the whole world of HP fan knows but how about those who do not read the book?

I was a bit ashamed when someone said that it was a stupid movie when we got out of the cinema. shes stupid too, for not reading the book before she sees the movie, but hey, theres no rule that says we have to read the book to be able to see the movie now, is there?

n the scene where fred n George wreak a havoc is so wrong…

eventhough it did give me an awe for like seconds, but still…

they should have done a diversion when harry have that dream to comfirm about Sirius, if im not mistaken.(I wanna re-read the book after I finish the last book)

n the firecrackers scene supposed to happen in the hall… in the students hall…not the examination hall.

n there are too little students taking the OWL exam ..oh, for heavens sake, it didn’t even satisfy the amount of students in one whole class…!

n harry should faint during the exam!!

n the kissing part..

oh my god.

awful.

I mean, danny was great…the girl, on the other hand, was not.

she looks like shes been looking forward to the kiss a long, long, time before.

seriously, she did.

u can see her eyeing danny`s lips several hundred seconds before they were being left alone.

damn.

n I hate her!

I purely hate that girl!!

ugh..i have many many many many comments left on other horrible/mistaken scene that I can point at, but I think this is enough for now, or being a rabid fangirl I am, i`ll explode n lose this gift of free time to play zelda on my lappy which I long for god-knows since when. albeit I have so many assignments assign by that “cikgu bahagia”…

im signing out..

-chocobo-

-still in HP rabid-fangirl mode-

-Thursday, July 19^th 2007-

D.I.S.A.P.P.O.I.N.T.M.E.N.T

the first time is always the hardest times..
seriously..
it took me hours n hours just to write the first few lines..
of this first entry of my blog..

i mean, i always have thoughts all the time..
when i come across any complications, or any incidents, i`ll always think about it in my head n wonders if it will have a different closure should a different thing happened instead of what should.
ok, u may think that was crap?
well actually, it is kinda crappy...

sometimes i even wonder whether im sane enough becoz i really think a hell LOT...!
seriously..
even in a car, for hours i would be all quiet and my brows will frown and there..the signs that im thinking about..stuff..
whether its about the passerby..or cars..or even the final episode of a drama..or someones relationship..
i think too much.
thats a problem..for me that is..
i tend to become pessimistic...
i would always always think about the consequences..
one may think its good..
but no..
for me..
when i think about any consequences..id highlight the bad ones n kinda make my decisions based on that.
tahts bad..agreed?

its a habit of mine..
i guess i really hate to be dissapointed, so i dissapoint myself first with really bad ideas of what would happen if it would fail..
so in taht way, nothing could ever dissapoint me more than i have done to myself..
boy, im screwed..

n i just realised that..
no wonder mom said i never smile...
i really dun see why should i be smiling...when i dun wanna to..
if im a boy, id be one of those cold charas in animes..the one that dun talk much n dun really care about anhyone..but im a girl, n i do care about people..but i just cant potray taht as normal people would..
lol..
im labelling myself as abnormal..
well,i guess its ok lor..
as long as im me..
i love being me...most of the time..
but sometimes, i dun..
its a norm ..

i hope this is it..
before, id write all my feelings in a diary..
id WRITE..but nowadays, i find myself go through all the trouble of ransacking my lil sis n bros bag, turning my bed upside down, going through all drawers that i possibly have in my house, just for a single blue pen taht have sharp points and the brand have to be right too..
after some while of disappointment in looking for the right pen..
i decided to TYPE in a blog..

well, yeah..
crappy n boring ne..?
im signing out..before i crap ups some more..
geh..

xoxo,
choco*~