D.I.S.A.P.P.O.I.N.T.M.E.N.T

the first time is always the hardest times..
seriously..
it took me hours n hours just to write the first few lines..
of this first entry of my blog..

i mean, i always have thoughts all the time..
when i come across any complications, or any incidents, i`ll always think about it in my head n wonders if it will have a different closure should a different thing happened instead of what should.
ok, u may think that was crap?
well actually, it is kinda crappy...

sometimes i even wonder whether im sane enough becoz i really think a hell LOT...!
seriously..
even in a car, for hours i would be all quiet and my brows will frown and there..the signs that im thinking about..stuff..
whether its about the passerby..or cars..or even the final episode of a drama..or someones relationship..
i think too much.
thats a problem..for me that is..
i tend to become pessimistic...
i would always always think about the consequences..
one may think its good..
but no..
for me..
when i think about any consequences..id highlight the bad ones n kinda make my decisions based on that.
tahts bad..agreed?

its a habit of mine..
i guess i really hate to be dissapointed, so i dissapoint myself first with really bad ideas of what would happen if it would fail..
so in taht way, nothing could ever dissapoint me more than i have done to myself..
boy, im screwed..

n i just realised that..
no wonder mom said i never smile...
i really dun see why should i be smiling...when i dun wanna to..
if im a boy, id be one of those cold charas in animes..the one that dun talk much n dun really care about anhyone..but im a girl, n i do care about people..but i just cant potray taht as normal people would..
lol..
im labelling myself as abnormal..
well,i guess its ok lor..
as long as im me..
i love being me...most of the time..
but sometimes, i dun..
its a norm ..

i hope this is it..
before, id write all my feelings in a diary..
id WRITE..but nowadays, i find myself go through all the trouble of ransacking my lil sis n bros bag, turning my bed upside down, going through all drawers that i possibly have in my house, just for a single blue pen taht have sharp points and the brand have to be right too..
after some while of disappointment in looking for the right pen..
i decided to TYPE in a blog..

well, yeah..
crappy n boring ne..?
im signing out..before i crap ups some more..
geh..

xoxo,
choco*~